Life sometimes has a funny way of kicking you in the ass. You have dreams and aspirations that you think are your right, but one day you find out those dreams may never come to pass, and if they do you’re faced with wicked consequences. For my self, I always envisioned my self having A LOT of kids. Of course, I would have liked to have been married, but as I got older I accepted that I may have to do it alone. Alone, here is the operative word in which I mean knowing the man who would be the child’s father, so that the child could know him as well. I accepted that as my reality and I thought that all it would take is a lot of sex and bingo a baby would come. Well as all of you know life just doesn’t happen the way we would like it to and throws us curves balls that we wish hit us in the cerebellum and killed us dead. Four years ago the only thing in life that scared me happened, well the second thing which was a major terrorist attack where I work and as we all know that happened also. Any way 4 years ago I found out I could not have kids. The good news? I could get in-vitro to get pregnant, which is also known as a “test tube baby”, but for me that opens a whole can of worms. Do I want to bring a child into world with no chance of ever knowing his dad? I think that would be selfish on my part to fulfill a need of my own knowing that I deprived a baby of knowing his other half. What the hell do you tell the kid as he is growing up? Do I say your dad died in the war? Or that he needed to get through medical school so he jacked off in a cup? You may be saying why don’t you jest get married but again it isn’t that easy as I am just not meeting anyone marriage worthy. Also time is running out for me and I can’t wait, this is my last year to make a decision. Well meaning people say, and to me they should just shut the fuck up, “why not adopt”, well because I don’t want to, why don’t you sell your child and adopt a new one from Romania? I recently ran into some one I tried to get pregnant with and knowing that will never happen just made me physically sick. I have been carrying around this hurt and anger for four years and I think its time I put it to bed because 4 years is a long time to put your life on hold. You know, some times I wish I got pregnant at a young age when I probably could, but we can’t go back in time can we. So internet my message to you is if you want kids do it know before your chance is taken away from you because there never is a right time so don’t wait for it.
