Thoughts

The human condition never ceases to amaze me, and when I say condition I meant it in the same way as a heart condition or mental condition. What people put them selves through and why they do such destructive things to themselves is beyond my comprehension. Women in particular, in my opinion, put up with bullshit from men of colossal proportion just so that they are not alone. I have a friend called, well lets call her Magdalene. Magdalene had a baby with this guy she was just messing around with, and who really had no intention of sticking around. The guy, who we will call Nathaniel, already had a child with another women he was still seeing. Well when Magdalene had the baby Nathaniel took off. He was only in it for the sex and when the reality set in he left Maggie to be with the other girl. Now Maggie has a kid, no man to help with any thing, and a huge responsibility to support. My first question is this. Why would any one want to be with someone who is not yours to begin with? Not that anyone really belongs to anybody, but why be with someone who has another woman? The need for male attention is so over powering, that I suppose some would take whatever scraps they could grasp. What we need to look at is why? Why are some women, well lets say why would some people, be so hard pressed for attention from the opposite sex that they would throw away any remnants of their self respect. I could say that for me in the past being alone never sacred me. I actually like my own company and as far as men are concerned, I have never done anything that I am ashamed of, or hurt anyone. Married men have approached me, a lot of married men for some reason, and I have always turned them down, and I have given them a lecture to boot. What I tell them is this, if your wife had found out would you really be willing to loose your family over some women you really don?T know? I don?T think that men think things all the way through, but rather they think in the moment not realizing the consequences. I suppose a lot of married women need to thank me!!!!! Anyway back to Maggie. What I think it boils down to is weakness and validation. I cant say that it is all self esteem because I am the queen of low self-esteem and I don?T surround my self with no good men to fulfill me, not because I cant, but because I do not need that kind of attention and do not need fulfillment from anyone besides myself. I think that may be one of my problems actually, being to strong, to analytical and to smart. I need to do stupid thing to grow as a person maybe. I dont know. I havent got all the answers, but I will say this; treat yourself well and have respect for yourself, you deserve it and remember, you cannot be disrespected in any way if you respect yourself first as well as other people.

Hell no i wont go! On dates anymore that is.

Went out last night on somewhat of a date and I am just feed up, tired and am resigning my self to the fact that I should just be alone. Maybe I think to much of myself and expect others to be like me? Maybe I expect people to have a pure soul, to be genuine and a contributing member of society. I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that I am tired and give up on the human race that I expect so much from. I could empathize with people who join cults. They are probably so saddened by the reality of life that they buy the bullshit and promises that the cults have to offer. Ok.. I am off to join the Hare Krishnas. Next time I will post of pic of myself with a shaved head and orange robe, or look out for me in your airport.

Turn it off; my brain that is.

My life thus far has been some what similar to the ocean where as it gives and it takes, it presents something really beautifull like sea shells, but also beaches dead whales. When I look back, I can say a lot of my problems were of my of my own volition and lack of confidence. Confidence is something so powerful that I honestly believe society sets us up not to have any, so that those that lack it can stay at the bottom, and let those on top further stratify. Think about it, there has to be someone to wash dishes,clean toilets,work in the public sector and even fill the jails. If we didn't have people in need of penance, hence a penitentiary, a whole lot of jobs would be vacant. Well thats it for know. Check back later for more.

*** The bridge in this picture is no more. It has since collapsed as of a few days ago.

boo-dah

I am going to move where he lives

Winter Sucks

Deep emotion