Friday, March 30

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Wake up, wash up, go to BirdPark, work, meet up with random people, go home, sleep and the whole thing repeat itself again... This had been my daily routine for the past few weeks. Had been working almost everyday. I just need to keep myself busy with things, busy so that I won have time to allow myself to think of you, won have time to think so much. I kinda like the busy routine I had now but on the other hand, I had been neglecting and rejecting lots and lots of appointment, outings from my friend. I cannot help but feel really bad about it. I'm really really very sorry to all those friends of mine that keep wanting to meetup with me and which I had reject or cannot make it countless time but still never give up on me. I am really glad that I have you guys! However, I need a break. Sorry for ignoring you guys. The reason why I choose to keep working is not bcos of money, or rather I am trying to escape from the reality. I need time to settle my feelings. Don wanna you guys to see how depress, how sad, how shag I am now. I just don wanna you guys to be worried about me. I might have disappear for some time, but rest assured that I will be back with you guys one day de! Currently in the state of going to breakdown any moment and I really don wish to make your worry for me. 

I know that no matter how hard I try, we are just not gonna be like how we used to be already. I may have admit defeat but then I am not gonna give up no matter what. Giving in and not asking for any returns at all.

Once again, sorry for all those people who cares about me but I am also grateful to have you guys. 

Tuesday, March 27

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Had a small farewell dinner for BaiYang at Jurong Safari just now after work. That was the last meal that I am really gonna have with her. Really gonna miss her when she when back to China. However, that was the happiest dinner I had ever had with the group of them. Gladys, BaiYang, Auntie Julie, Auntie PohLan, Auntie Alice, Shaq, WeiQiang, Jay, Faiz, BoBo, Hafiz, YinKang, Hafiz's wife and ZheBin. That was indeed an unforgettable dinner. A dinner that I will remember for life. =)

Glad that most of the people like the scrapbook that I had do for BaiYang as her farewell gift. It consists of photos of people that once work with her for these 2 years in Bongo and also wishes that each and everyone of them wanna say to them. She said that that was the best gift that she had ever received in her whole life and I almost cried when she said that. Haha. Really really happy that she actually liked it. But among all the photos that I had printed for her, I liked this the most. A candid yet natural shot. I took this during the Ubin trip without them noticing. OOPS! =/

Wanna give a BIG BIG THANX to everyone especially Gladys for making it a successful one! Without you guys, It will be nothing. THANK YOU GUYS!~

Sunday, March 25

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Birthdays are meant to be celebrated and being remembered. I shall try to celebrate everyone's birthday no matter who you are.

Photos from the Birthday Party earlier on this afternoon.  

You are not being forgotten! =) This was taken like 2 years ago? Time files...

It had been a long long time since I really had a good chat with you. Just you and me only. Really missed those time where we always talk so much crap and you are always full of nonsense. Really enjoyed myself just now although it is only for a short moment only. No matter how far and distance you are from me, I will still work very very hard to let us be like how we used to be de. Trust me. I really miss those time...

Saturday, March 24

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Guess what, I finally went back to YTCCCO after disappearing from there for so long! Hehe. It will always be a place that I don feel unfamiliar to  no matter how long I may not have went back. Feeling super exhausted from all the practices and performance earlier on. It had been such a long time since I feel so shag, however It is all worth it. I love YTCCCO!

Thursday, March 22

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Met Angeline after work to accompany her had her passport photo taken. That was when I realize how much I really do miss Eemin. 

It has been ages since I last saw her, ages since we last text and even ages since we last talk. I miss her, but miss is not a strong enough word to be use. No matter how far apart I am from you I will still wanna keep up to date to your things, still care about you like how I use to. 

Why is it that every time at the mention of your name, I will tend to feel hurt. I know that things are not going to be like how it is used to be like anymore. Sometimes, I just wish to see you but whenever I see you, I suddenly feeling like avoiding you. No matter what is gonna happen to us in the future, I will always be there for you whenever you need me. I promise you that. No matter how much hurt you had implemented in me, I feel that it is hard for me to let go of someone whom I really treasure very very much. Loved you for a thousand years...

Wednesday, March 21

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Had a good time packing, rearranging all the Birthday Party thingy with JunYi at work today. That was what made me realize that Ros and the previous group had actually had a hard time planning and making the games for the kids last time. Dug out lots of rubbish as well as treasure today. Can really feel the time and effort they had put inside it. It is really a pity that all of these things are not being put into use now. That make me made up my mind that I am gonna make sure that for the other Birthday Party that I will be hosting will be a successful one. Won let all their efforts go down to drain.

Had a short meetup with QiuLing and Angeline after work. Walk home with Angeline and she started to talk about our future. Seriously for now I cannot picture my future, I don know what will be my full time job in the future. But I doubt I will leave Bird Park at the moment as that was the job that I get attach to now. At least I am working at different job scope at different day. Sometime, I will be at the counter, anot I will be at the kitchen, anot I will be at Ben & Jerry or else I will be hosting Birthday Party. I am not trying to overwork myself or what. I just don like stay at home the whole day. Wanna make myself feel useful and not so worthless. Working is not a chore to me, instead it is something that can make me feel occupied and stop me from thinking too much. 

You shall be my biggest regrets. But I am not gonna let us stay like that forever.

Tuesday, March 20

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I do have a couple of really really great and awesome friends. But who will be the ones who will be there if I were to break down one day. I might be a strong girl but I olso have my weak moments. Just wondering.

Monday, March 19

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For the past 19 years I had never ever felt any love from you. To me, home is just a place for me to sleep that all. From young, I had lived in a incomplete family. Use to keeping everything to myself, learn to hide my feelings well, use to getting hurt and being numb to it already. Love is just a word that sound so unfamiliar to me. i don feel love from you or anyone else. 

No matter how unreasonable you are, no matter how controlling you are, no matter how much you do not show your love for me, no matter how much you like to scold and beat me for no reason. You will always be my Daddy! The one whom bought me to this world. The one whom taught me that I had to fight for whatever I wanna. The one whom I know you care but don know how to express it. The one who taught me how imperfect this life could be. For the past few years, I may have been hurt, may have lie to you, may have don anything behind your back, I do all these is just that I don wish to see you get hurt in anyway. 

No matter what you do, no matter how bad you are, you will always and forever be my Daddy! These few years you really do had a hard time providing for us.
My only wish for you is that you will stay happy and not leave us just like how Mummy use to years ago. I really cannot afford to lose you also!

Saturday, March 17

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Met WanYing in the afternoon for a while then to realize that I do really miss her. Then off to get the stuff for my evil plan for the staff meeting. Wahahahaha! Had a good time shopping for all these stuff then off to BirdPark.

Meeting was ok but then all of them were just too shag so we decided to cancel the evil plan. Was a bit disappointed but then it was alright. I had a good laugh at them blowing the candle that cannot be blown. Hehe. Gonna be more serious in work next time already but then you can also have fun by being serious.

No one is gonna stay in your life forever, that's why "separation" this word exist. But I jus don like the feeling of it...

Thursday, March 15

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Got back my results for last semester. Although i did very very badly for this semester, I am not going to give up just like that. Cos I kinda expected and not expected it. No matter what the result is, it is over. Lesson learn that I should keep myself away from all the distraction and not anyhow think before exams. Easier say then done. Next semester and next next semester will definitely be better! What's there to worry when I had QiuLing and Aaron there to make sure I get good results and preventing me from doing all the foolish thing. Hehe. 靠你们了!=) 

I care too much already. Seriously!

Wednesday, March 14

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Yesterday, I had the biggest fall ever! LOL! 

Went to Pulau Ubin wifth Shaq and WeiQiang. Damn excited and cos that was the first time we all when there. The feeling of excited and scared overwhelm us. I was damn scared that we might lost our way and get lost there. Haha! A few days before QiuLing and JiaJia was telling me how dangerous it was there and how many people actually lose their life there. Thinking of what they told me now I still think that we are quite lucky. Hehe.

Pulau Ubin is actually a very adventurous place for those who like challenge. You don know what you will be expecting of and see at the very next moment. We took the boat from the Changi Jetty all the way there. That was my first time taking the boat. LOL! 

We cycled for a few hours then I had my first fall at the down slope. It was damn steep and I had no time to brake and CRASH! I fly off my bike and hit right smack on the road. That was seriously damn pain siol! Blood keep oozing out from my left kneecap and my left elbow. The best thing is that my shorts actually torn apart! That was when Shaq and WeiQiang rush down and see what happen. I stand up and started laughing non stop. It was damn pain but I laugh and laugh and laugh at myself instead of crying. wash the wounds, stop the blood, bandaged it and we continue cycling.

Cycled and walked and talking crap along the way, when I had my second fall at the down slope again. LOL! What's wrong is with me? I fall right smack on the same wounds as the first fall. I laugh even more this time round. Wash the wound, stop the blood, bandaged it once again and continue our journey. Saw wild boar and lots of interesting creature in the wild nature. 

On the journey back to the Change jetty, Shaq suddenly got a very bad seasickness. We took bus from Changi Village all the way to Woodlands to send her home. Luckily during the long long bus ride, she slept and feel much much better after that. Went to had dinner at Woodlands and took the bus with WeiQiang all the way back home. 

Went home with small cuts, bruises here and there, wounds on my left elbow and left kneecap and a sprain right hand. Despite all these, yesterday was indeed a fun and tiring day! Must go there next time! Don mind falling again.  =)

After every fall, be strong, stand up and laugh it off. How many times can I actually do it? 

I'm so so so sorry for that incident to happen. I didn't expect him to react like that and confront you. Luckily I control and didn't tell him everything anot the matter might have worsen. You must be broken inside although you deny it. What can I do now? Haiz.

Tuesday, March 13

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The one who hurts you the most is the one whom you care the most...

I broke a total of 2 glasses at work today. How affected and distracted I am about it?  Haiz. Can someone tell me what can I do? Feel lost. I wish that I don care. But in fact I really do care alot. I tried to avoid and ignore but I can't help it.

Monday, March 12

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I love you
I need you
Though my world may fall
I will never give up on you

My savior
My closest friend
I will worship you till the very end  


Saturday, March 10

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Hosting a Birthday Party was not that easy as it seems after all. Hosting my first ever Birthday Party today and I am already half dead. Haha. But this is just the beginning, cos I starting to like Birthday Party even more now. Hehe. The party just now can considered as a successful one ba. Even through there might be some flaws here and there but it ended beautifully. Really need to thanks YinKang, BaiYang and Auntie Julie who had help me alot along the way, Without them it might not be that successful. 你们辛苦了! 

Saw the funny side of YinKang today. LOL! He and BaiYang literally made me rolling on the floor laughing away. No matter how tired I am, they had somehow manage to took it away. This might be my last party with you guys. Will really miss today.

Back to Bongo when Muzaffar started running to me and he said, "KaiQin looking for you please call her back!" I stare at him and he repeat the same thing which made me started laughing again. Actually he wanna say Hidayah looking for me then don noe why he suddenly said that I looking for myself. 

Why is it that you can cause such a huge impact on me? The more I care the more hurt I am. You can somehow made my laughing day become a moody one without you doing anything at all. Hate this feelings. ARGH!